Dear Angela
by Khenzi
Summary: I can't believe I tried my hand at romance. However here it is. Maura is looking for Angela's permission to court Jane.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Angela,

I thought it best to write you a letter with my intentions. This will give you an opportunity to consider and contemplate this. I will of course speak to you in person as well, but I think that you need time to get accustomed to the idea.

Angela, I would like to pursue Jane romantically with the intension of asking her to marry me.

I know it is sudden and unexpected, but I have been thinking about this a very long time. It has come to the point where I either need to act on my feelings or move away. I want to have your blessing first before I approach Jane. Your acceptance will make her inner conflict less burdensome.

She does not know how I feel, but there are times that I think that she may be harbouring the same feelings. Of course I don't have any substantial proof, but it is in the way that she looks at me. It is in her touch and in her smile. It is in the way she speaks to me, teases me and never just let me be.

I am jumping to conclusions now and I may be wrong. However, I may never know unless I take courage now and see where this is going.

Alas, I don't have much to offer Jane. I have money, yet that never made an impression on Jane. It never impressed you. Money can't buy happiness, health or safety. Money can't buy love. It only makes life easier and more enjoyable. I am not a slave to money and I will never enslave Jane with it. I will love to share it with her.

I am afraid that my family is also counting against me as a possible suitor. I have been adopted by the Isles family. The Isles are a respected family here as well as abroad. I know that it is difficult to see beyond the icy facade, but their hearts are in the right place. My family always proudly supported various charities and notable organizations.

My biological parents are even worse. My biological mother seems acceptable, but the trauma that she suffered in the past has left a mark. She will never be more than an acquaintance to us. There is also Paddy Doyle, the notorious leader and 'enforcer' of the Irish Mob. He had Tommy restrained once and he had admitted that he would not hesitate to shoot Jane. I cannot justify him; I can only vow to keep his interaction and interference to a minimum.

I am well educated, both academically and otherwise. May I add that I am a doctor? Albeit, one that work on the dead, but I am capable to help the living as well if there is a need. I know that my education often makes Jane feel inferior, but she had acknowledged in the past that it is not my fault. It is more her own insecurities. There is no reason why Jane should feel insecure. I will spend my life to show her that.

All I have to give Jane is me – all of me. I came to depend on Jane to always come to my rescue. Jane has saved my life countless times. When my life was shattering, she was always there to help me put the pieces together. I supposed that it makes me a damsel in distress, one that will always put your daughter in danger. Yet, please believe me that I will lay down my life for Jane any day.

Reading this, I have to agree that I am a burden to Jane. That maybe she would be better off without me in her life. But I truly believe that I can give her everything that she need.

Jane is my caregiver, but I take good care of her. I ensure that she remembers to eat and I even get her to eat some vegetables as well. I let her drink water and not just coffee and beer. I have convinced her to have her shots and even to wear her vest when she is in the field. I make sure that she gets a sufficient amount of sleep.

Jane is my protector, but I am the guardian of her heart and soul. I am the one who she turns to when it all becomes too much. I know when to turn a blind eye to her pain and when to pull her close to shelter her from the world. Evolution has made my shoulders well adapted to catch her tears. I know when to hand the tissues, when to comfort and the exact moment to cry with her.

I give Jane the freedom to share her fears with me. If she is scared, I give her safety and security. I am there for her, I silently help her to regroup and recharge so that she could face the demons of the world again. I am her silent rock. She does not have to exchange her independence, control or bravery for it. I don't judge, I am just there. I know that Jane is a human, a warm blooded and caring creature even if she is the best, tough-as-nails detective in the world.

At night I ease her through nightmares. They are less frequent than when I met her, but from time to time, Hoyt and Dominic do pester her. I will whisper assurances to her until they leave or she calms down. Jane thinks I don't know it, but sometimes when she is petrified, she will latch on to me like I am her teddy bear. She always let me go before she thinks I am awake. We never talk about it, but I know that it makes her feel safe. I would love to pull her in my arms every night and always be her teddy bear. My arms will be her safe haven.

I know that we will have fights, but I will never again shut Jane out. I will always be at her disposal, even when she hates me.

It is rather simple actually. I love Jane, with my heart, soul and very essence of my being. I want to convince her of my love for her. I want to take care of her every day, every moment in more ways than a best friend can. I promise I will never hurt her.

Will you please grant me permission to court your daughter?

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Maura Isles

**AN: I do apologize for this Maura's lack in grammar and spelling. My English is atrocious at the best of times. **

**Yes, I am supposed to concentrate on other matters at the moment. I won't tell if you won't. **


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN: When I have written Dear Angela I was undecided of whether it should be a one shot or multiple letters. So I decided to see what reaction the letter received. Thank you very much for every review, every follow, every fav and everybody who read it. It was inspiring.**_

_**Those who have read my stuff before would have noticed that I often let my ultimate asshole-ness be portrayed by one of the characters. I will try to not do this in this 'story'. That being said, I need some plot development. Some character growth if you prefer. So Angela has some reservations. She will come around, gradually. **_

Dear Maura,

Sweetheart.

Everything in the cafe is labelled and I have done multiple stock takes. I have tried to visit every relative that I have. But I can see that you are hurt and I cannot avoid you forever. You have asked me something and I need to give you an answer.

Maura, I love you like my own daughter. You are a very special girl and don't you ever forget that. You don't need money or a powerful family; you are great just as you are. You have style, you have flair and the purest heart I have ever seen. Don't sell yourself short, my dear girl, you are perfect. Anybody will be honoured to welcome you into their family.

Especially the Rizzoli's. We are not much. We don't have much to give but the love in our hearts. That is what I have tried to install in my children, to share that love with the world. If we all reach out to our neighbours, so much pain will get better in this world. You are such a kind, sweet girl, Maura, I have never seen you deny another person in need.

I would have been very happy if you wrote to me about Tommy and Frankie. I would have pulled their ears until they could see the treasure right in front of them. But they are not the Rizzoli you are after. You want my Janie and that scares me to death. You sure as hell throw me for a loop with your letter. I never thought of my daughter (well, my daughters) to be the bride of the bride.

It is weird. I have always been sympathetic towards gays and lesbians, but things are always different when your own children are involved. Honestly, I don't know if I am comfortable with my own children being in a same sex relationship. Again Honey, it is not because of the person you are. I am just not used to it I suppose.

I never saw it coming, but then it was probably because I was looking without seeing. Since your letter, I have paid more attention. I should have seen it, but I was oblivious. It is as clear as daylight.

Jane is hopelessly devoted to you. I did not raise Jane for nothing, I know her inside out. We all know that she is a very stubborn girl. This also gives her great self discipline. I can see that she will always love you at a distance. She will never to win you; she made her peace a long time ago. She will let you go, but never let you be.

In other words: Jane will always be close enough to catch you when you fall, to look after you, but to never expect anything in return. She will dedicate her life to an unanswered love; she will always be your loyal servant. Janie is like that, always willing to sacrifice herself.

And I am asking myself if I can stand in her way of happiness. If the person she loves is also in love with her, who am I to stand in her way. Janie deserves happiness. She needs someone to take care of her and to love her unconditionally just as she is. Very few men have the balls for it. And frankly, no man ever put that sparkle in her eyes as you have.

I only ever wanted my children to be happy. If your letter was written by a Maurice, I would have been in cloud nine. It is everything I always wanted for my pigheaded baby girl.

But now that letter has been written by my Maura. She is a woman, a lady in the very aspect. She is in love with my Janie, who is at the end of the day a very sensitive soul besides appearances. You have already proven your love and care, not only to Jane, but to the whole family. I know you can't lie if you wanted to and that you will take good care of Janie's heart.

Jane will be a wide eyed child in awe if you are to offer her your heart. It will become her most treasured possession. Nothing and nobody will damage it while it is in her care.

That is love, the love that I always dreamt off and somehow evaded me. Like most woman I know. The love I prayed my children to experience. A gift.

Now God has answered my prayer, but it is in form I did not expect. I am not sure how I feel about it. I just know that I cannot deny Jane this. I cannot deny you this.

Jane will tell me that it is none of my business. It was very thoughtful of you to ask, Maura. I have always said that you are the perfect daughter. I do appreciate the gesture and I love you even more for it. I did need space to process it.

But Jane would be right – it is not my decision. You and Jane will need to work it out. I do wish you all the happiness in the world. You deserve each other and you will be good for the other.

I will therefore not stand in your way. Please holler if you need me to knock some sense into Jane. I will always support you girls.

I am afraid that I am going to need some time to get over it. That is my problem, not yours. I want to get there, please just be patient.

Just remember that I love you both.

xox

Angela

Ps: I still want grandbabies.

_**AN 2: So it is not a No from Angela, but it isn't a very enthusiastic yes either. I will try to use the letters between Angela and Maura to show the progress in the relationship and Angela's embracement of it. Of course not every single detail, but the important events at least. I will try to update at least weekly (I do have urgent matters I need to address in real life). And yes, there will be at least 2 letters from Jane. **_


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Angela,

When I wrote to you the first time, it was my intention to talk to Jane and declare my love to her. However, after your letter and the talk we had, I decided a more measured approach may be called for. It will ease Jane into a new relationship with me and give you more time to adjust before being confronted with us as a couple.

I therefore set out to woo Jane. Good old fashion romantic gestures, hinting towards something more. Nothing loud or bold that would frighten her. I would leave her a note to make her smile or I would text her to kick ass. Jane is exceptionally fond of that expression, although I have never seen her kicked a donkey. As far as I know, Jane has never kicked somebody on the gluteus maximum or in the anus.

I would love to give Jane the world, but she does not appreciate over the top gestures. Yet she does appreciate the occasional pastry or coffee as she walked into the precinct. Gestures spaced evenly, not all at once. That would have drawn attention and embarrassed her.

Jane took note of them and tried to repay me in her own way. She informed me of documentaries I may enjoy or bought me candy I love. On challenging days she would put motivational notes on my computer. Somehow she always knows what I need to hear.

I decided the time was right to implement the second phase. I started leaving a red rose on her windshield every day. She started leaving pink roses on mine. It is endearing how oblivious Jane could be at times. She never considered that there may be something more behind the gestures.

I then started taking her at unofficial dates. Jane and I are yin and yang, total opposites in some regards. Jane would humour me to do things she knows I love. I honestly don't mind partaking in activities that she enjoys. It was nonetheless a pleasurable experience to discover the activities we both adore. There are surprisingly a number of them and we are not even halfway done with the possibilities. When we are officially dating, Jane will add to the list. I cannot wait for it.

Years ago when I discovered that Jane doesn't particularly like hugs, I tried to entertain the culture of fist bumping and high fives. Jane has an aptitude for these playful signs of affections. It is like the inner child in her peaking through her soul. She will be a wonderful mother, because of her inner child she always know how to meet a child on their level. No, Jane is not pregnant. I am using inner child metaphorically, I am trying to describe the childlike traits Jane has.

Jane never hesitated to hug me when we achieved something together or when she tried to comfort me. It has been quite some time that she will kiss me on the cheek if I left or returned to Boston. It is our hello or goodbye for a couple of days. If we were to become a romantic couple, we will naturally be more physically with each other. In order to prepare Jane for this, I started to kiss her more. Only on the cheek, but when she didn't protest, I kissed her on the mouth.

The first time she was lightly shocked, but did not question it. She also did not duck the next time I have done it. She took it in her stride and soon we were always greeting each other with a chaste kiss to the mouth. Albeit, only where no one could see us. Jane would be mortified to show anyone or anything that much affection in public.

My romantic gestures became a little more daring. I began massaging her shoulders when she was tense. This evolved into back rubs soon, although Jane would always keep her top on. When we were watching television, I would sometimes put my feet in her lap. Jane almost absentmindedly massaged my feet. I took her to Fenway and she returned the gesture by surprising me with a bubble bath. Rest assured, I took that bath alone, but I thought that my intentions should be clear to Jane after the weeks of wooing.

Last night, I invited Jane to our favourite restaurant for dinner. This time I delivered 12 red roses to her apartment. I organized a car for us to be driving us that evening. As endearing as Jane's oblivion can be, it is downright frustrating as well. When I finally told her how I felt, she was stunned. Like you, she never saw it coming. All my well thought out gestures were in vain.

Jane rambled on about how we were best friends and how something like love could ruin our friendship forever. According to Jane, sex always fucked up everything and apparently I meant to much to her for the pleasures of flesh.

I demanded to know how she could accept all my notions of interest when she had no intention to have a loving relationship with me. Her mouth literally dropped opened. I could not help myself and started to cry.

Jane felt sorry for me. She tried to explain that she did not think that I added any significant value to it. She thought that it is just Maura being Maura. She argued that we came from different backgrounds and she just accepted that I was just more comfortable with her to share my world with her. She never wanted to make me feel uncomfortable with opening up to her, especially because she knows how difficult I find it to trust people.

I was shattered. I never wanted Jane to be uncomfortable with my gestures and I certainly never wanted her just to accept and return them to save me from feeling uncomfortable. I paid the bill and left. I am afraid I never considered how Jane will get home.

Jane texted me, but I just ignored it. When I arrived home, there was a bunch of sunflowers that Jane managed to deliver to me after she received her roses. Sunflowers in answer to the flower of love! Angela, I was so scared that you and I were flawed in assuming that Jane was also in love with me.

I was tossing and turning, unable to sleep after all went so terrible wrong. Since I could not sleep, I have read Jane's text message. I included it for you: "Maura, I am so, so sorry. I just never expected that you could love somebody like me. That you can love me like I love you. I just need time to process it all. I am a jerk. You deserve better."

This was exactly the type of reaction I tried to avoid by wooing Jane. I was hurt, but still this message gave me a shimmer of hope. I needed a few hours to formulate a reply. My reply was: "Jane, you are not a jerk. You are a fool, but you are the only fool I can love. Will you be my fool?"

It was in the early hours of the morning and I was disappointed that she did not reply. How could she sleep if I was as devastated? In the restaurant she appeared to be devastated too. I was sorely mistaken.

I soon discovered that Jane did not waste her time with another text message. Instead she got in her car and came to me. The knock on my window was the loveliest sound I ever heard. I could not let Jane in soon enough.

"You want me to be your fool?" she asked shyly, leaning against the door.

I did not answer, at least not with words. I pulled Jane's head down and kissed her in a way that not even she could interpret as anything else as a passionate kiss. A kiss to say: "Hello, you fool, I love you."

When I broke the kiss, Jane sheepishly buried her face in my neck. After a while I noticed that she was crying, but so was I. What else do you do when all misunderstandings between you and the love of your life is resolved.

"I love you!" Jane cried.

I pushed Jane away a bit so that I could look her in the eyes when I tell her I love her as well.

"I need to do this right, Maura. I need to tell Ma first, so that I can offer myself to you fully."

I nodded and embraced her again. I know how difficult it was to write that first letter to you and I appreciate that Jane want to tell you about her sexuality before committing to me. It means the world that she doesn't want to hide me. She wants to have an honest and open relationship from the start. I did not think I could love her more, but I was wrong.

Jane went over to the guesthouse the moment your lights went on. I started this letter to you. She has been there a long time now and I am very nervous about it. I suppose I can't do anything else then to wait.

I hope that you will not be too harsh on Jane. Your love and respect means the world to her.

I am sorry I could not warn you in advance, everything happened too fast.

Yours Faithfully,

Maura

_**AN: I am afraid my terrible lack of grammar and spelling is not doing Maura justice. I do apologise. **_

_**Nobody is as blind as the one who does not want to see. I can picture Jane going along with Maura, even with things that may her feel uncomfortable, too make sure she does not offend the doctor. Jane is also prone for putting her foot in her mouth.**_

_**You may have noticed that I often use lines from songs in these letters. That is something I often do in rl as well without really thinking about it. These songs, such as the characters in this story, do not belong to me. **_

_**Credits for songs: **_

_**Chapter 1: "The peacemaker – Albert Hammond"**_

_**Chapter 2: "The Nanny – Theme song of The Nanny" and "Hopelessly devoted to You – Olivia Newton-John"**_

_**Chapter 3: "Joyride – Roxette"**_


	4. Chapter 4

My dear, dear Maura,

All Rizzoli's have oblivion as their secret talent. I am often amazed that Jane is a decorated detective, oblivious as she is. Take when Frank and I divorced. Jane was the last of my kids who noticed and questioned it. Only after he moved out and I was preparing for months for that. I guess Jane is only oblivious to things close to her heart. Perhaps she is just hurts less not to see than to confront the truth. Who will know?

She gets that from Frank's mother. Jane was not exactly planned and my father wanted to break Frank's knees. We had a shotgun wedding and Jane was born 5 months later. His mother never noticed that I was pregnant. I was 8 months pregnant, when she asked when she can expect the bambinos. She thought that I was just getting fat, she never even considered why we got married in such a hurry.

No, Sweetie. I was not harsh with Jane and I honestly tried not to be harsh with you. I am sorry if I made you feel that way. I just tried to be honest with you; I figured I owed you that after ignoring you for more than a week. It was an explanation, not an attack, Honey.

Jane and I just needed a few hours to talk things through. Jane opened a side to me that she always carefully hidden. In retrospect, that was always between us. It made Jane defensive, which turned into aggression whenever I was around. When the hidden elephant was pushed in the spotlight, there were a few things we needed to deal with. It was hard for Jane to confess and I had to reassure her of my love regardless.

Maura, you can only truly understand a mother's role when you have children. There are times that you need to be hard with your kids that they can learn from mistakes. There are times that you have to listen to them telling you that they have messed up and are in trouble. You have to help them, but not too much. They need to grow and face the consequences of their actions and decisions. Yet you always love them and you must always be there for them. Regardless of what they may have done.

What they have done opposed to what they are. But we will get to that.

Let me tell you: Tommy, Frankie and Jane put me through my paces. Sr. Winifred called them hell raisers and the term was not uncalled for. They were in trouble – often! Hardly a day went by that not one confessed of being in trouble. Jane was always defiant. Her attitude always said do your worst, I don't care. She was never sorry, not even after she was suspended for hitting a teacher on the nose. She would just pretend to listen to the scolding, endure the punishment and refuse to apologize. That is how we know her and why we love her.

When your kids are still under control, you don't really need to worry. You can help out, you can still protect them from their own stupidity. The day that they stand on their own two feet, that day you really should start saying your prayers. Tommy twice had to tell me that he was arrested for driving under the influence. The third time he made that confession was in lock down and then he was on his way to jail.

Frankie once told me he lost everything because he co-signed a loan for Theresa and she disappeared. He had to move back in with us.

Jane fought for independence since her feet touch the ground, and yet she never had to confess her mistakes to me. Maybe perhaps after Hoyt, but she insisted that she needed to save the victim's live and could not wait for back up. That much was true. The scalpels through her hands were just a hideous trick of fate. She would survive, without help.

Never were any of my kids afraid to come to me. They may have been sorry, they may have been distraught but they knew I will still love them. When the story of Lydia and Tommy came out, he never turned away for me. He was sorry for hurting me, but knew he was still welcome in my life.

That was the big shock this morning. In a way I always knew Jane is homosexual, although I only really confronted that possibility a few weeks ago. When I opened the door this morning, she was ashamed. My strong, confident girl was ashamed for the first time in her live. So ashamed that she could not even look me in the eye. Not because of what she has done, but of who she are.

That is just wrong! We cannot help who we love. No one can, not even Jane. She was given the short stick and she needs to deal with it. It is not her fault. She has nothing to be ashamed of.

Janie actually burst out in tears. She sobbed that she was gay and just waited for me to attack her or to pass judgement. I tried to hug and comfort her, but she just evaded me. Like always. It totally broke my heart when she told me that she knows that I am going to hate her and that she was a disgrace for the family. She totally resigned to me (us maybe) being disgusted by her.

I don't know where she got that idea from. I may not always like what Jane or any one of my kids do, but I will always love them – regardless. I can never ever be disgusted by them. Especially not because of whom they fell in love with.

Even if the person is unworthy of my kid's love, I will not be disgusted by my child. I may not like that person and try to extradite him/her from our lives, but I will always love my child.

Just that we are clear on that point, Maura, you are not unworthy of Jane. I will always love you as well, regardless.

To my shock and horror, it came out that Jane was always avoiding my affections because she felt I will regret it if I ever found out that she is into women. She did not want me to feel contaminated. My poor, poor girl.

Maura, sweetie – I know I have not exactly been excited about you and Jane. To my shame I have to admit I still find it strange and weird. But don't be ashamed of who you are. If people don't like it, it is their problem. You don't own them anything.

Be good for Janie. She avoided love and affection for such a long time, she needs to catch up. I know she will love you with everything she got.

Love,

Angela

_**AN: There is a line in from Mamma Mia, the movie. **_

_**Angela may be getting over her issues sooner than expected, but this is not intended to be a very long story. **_

_**Jane's insecurities: There is something like Catholic guilt (and I am not going to attack or defend the church view on homosexuality, but tried to keep it in mind with the characterization). I have met more than one gay person who despised themselves for being gay. And it is a crying shame. **_


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Angela,

Thank you. Those two words could never convey my gratitude to you, but I say it with all that I am. Jane really dreaded talking to you about her sexuality. She went to you with trepidation and expected no mercy.

Yet you managed to put aside your own reservations and reassure her of your love. Words cannot describe what it meant to her, what it meant to me. I just pray that I may require your motherly skills by the time that we may have a child of our own. Jane's relief of your acceptance is immeasurable. It made her eyes more open, her smile brighter and her attitude even more confident.

We debated extensively whether we should keep our relationship secret while we are adjusting. New relationships are never easy. It would be even harder when the new relationship is confronted with society's prejudice and judgement. The decision was made by one of Jane's favourite quotes. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Jane of course attributed it to Dr. Seuss, but it is a common misconception. Bernard Baruch actually said it with regards to seating arrangements at a banquet. Regardless, the conclusion is the same. The people, who matter to us, would not mind our sexuality. At the very least, they will learn to accept it with time. Those who would mind are the people we do not care about in any case.

I know it is an overly simplified answer to a very complex situation, but we went along with it in any case. It would be naïve to expect no reaction what so ever: sooner or later people will learn the truth and we will just have to deal with it. Yet we owed it to the people that matter to tell them about us.

Angela, we are truly so blessed with the people we have in our lives. We invited Frankie, Tommy, Korsak and Frost to the Dirty Robber to inform them about our relationship. Frankie was so glad for us. Frost as well, but for different reasons. Jane told him to remove all mental pictures he has of us from his mind, or she would gladly remove it for him. Tommy was slightly disappointed, but not in us. Only for a moment though. He said if he had to lose me to a woman, clearly he never stood a chance in any case.

Korsak was more concerned about us, than distressed that we are in a same sex relationship. He took us outside and made us promise to always be there for each other. He asked that we should use our love to build each other and to never break the other down. Korsak said that love is a gift and never a weapon. He wanted us to always remember the love that we shared when things are difficult or when we are upset with each other. He was stern with Jane when she wanted to tease him about his wise words, but I know that she will take his words to heart. I will of course do the same.

Jane and I never expected the amount of love that we received the last few days. Frankie came to see me in the morgue. I was not really surprised when he wanted to talk to me about handling Jane with respect and care. I vowed that Jane is the most precious treasure I have and that I will always protect and care for her to the best of my abilities. I was however surprised that Frost came to see me with the same objective. He really has Jane's best interest at heart.

Jane told me that Tommy came to threaten her with serious bodily harm if she was to hurt me. I always longed for a sibling and Tommy is the closest thing to a brother I ever had. It is heartwarming that he taken it upon himself to protect me like I am his little sister.

I called Mother as well to inform her that I am dating Jane. Mother was slightly confused; she just assumed that I was already dating Jane. That was more or less the reaction we got from Lieutenant Cavanaugh as well.

The people, who mattered, did not mind. They were very supporting of our choices. There were of course the people who don't matter as well. Although it should not matter, some of their actions and comments are very hurtful. I am relatively protected in the laboratory besides a few snide comments, but Jane is bearing the blunt of it. She does not talk about it, but I have seen some of the things left on her desk. I have heard some of the comments that are being made when she walks past.

She took it all in her stride, she have sarcasm and a gun after all. I don't think it bothers her too much. I do make sure to make it worth her while though. I will never stop wooing her.

Sr. Winifred Callaghan was a surprise. She confronted Jane and I in the lobby one day, as we were entering the precinct. She aggressively marched to us, calling Jane by her full name. Jane was instantly annoyed, especially when Sr. Winifred asked her if she was dating 'this woman'. "Yes, Sister." Jane said icily. However, before she could give Sr. Winifred a dose of sarcasm, the sister shrugged: "Well, at least you are honest!" and she walked off.

Jane was stunned. According to her Sr. Winifred has not said anything else afterwards, not even when she scolded Jane for throwing a paper ball at Frost.

In the mean time our relationship is slowly blooming into something very special. Dating Jane has gone beyond my wildest dream. It is absolutely wonderful. Since we are officially dating Jane has become even more kind and protective over me. Every day I love her a bit more than the day before.

For the first time in my life I made love. Yes, I have had sex many times with many partners, but never made love. Sex is a healthy way to build the immune system and to relieve stress. Making love is to strengthen the bond between two people. Nobody ever loved me like Jane does. I never loved anybody like I love Jane. She is my life and my heart.

Angela, everything is wonderful. It is perfect. I can't believe that I can be so happy.

Kind regards,

Maura

**AN: There is a quote from Miss Congeniality. **

**Unfortunately; when things go well, it is only an indication that the shit will hit the fan soon. As you will see in the next letter. **


	6. Chapter 6

Maura and Jane,

For crying in a bucket!

I have a good mind to pull both of you over my knees and knocking some sense into you. Keep on acting like obstinate children and that will be exactly what I do. And for heaven sake – quit avoiding me. You both need to listen to reason. Obviously you can't think for yourselves.

A couple months ago you both made promises to every man and his dog that you will not hurt each other. What on earth happened to that? Were they that meaningless that you got throw them aside in a moment? Frankly I am very disappointed in both of you. I will always love you, but right now you give me very little that I can like of you.

Maura Dorothea Isles, keep in mind that Jane is your lover and not your child. You cannot control every aspect of her live. She is an adult and she was doing fine without your interference for years. She can make her own choices, you don't get to dictate her every move. She can dress herself and she can actually take care of herself as well.

If you going to continue changing Jane, you will wake up one day and find that she is not the woman you fell in love with. Then you would only have yourself to blame. Maura, even a golden jewelry studded cage is still a jail. Jane needs to be free. Love is not keeping somebody locked up, but allowing him/her to spread their wings and trusting them to come home to you. Like Korsak told you before, love is a gift. You give it to somebody, you do not enforce it.

Jane Clementine Rizzoli, whether you like it or not, there are 7 billion other people on earth. The earth does not revolve around you. Maura has to interact with other people, as she has done long before she even met you. Where do you come from claiming all her attention solely to you? Maura has a live outside you and it is healthy for her to have other relationships as well.

Just in case you have not learned your lesson, let me spell it out for you. Love is a very gentle thing, a thing that you have to take special care of. It is like a small, delicate bird in your hands. If your hands are too open, the bird will escape. You do need to hang on to your love, letting him / her know how much he / her means to you. BUT – if you close your hands too tightly around the bird, you will kill it. It needs space to grow and become stronger. You are suffocating Maura; your unreasonable jealousy will kill her love for you. Then you will have no one but yourself to blame.

I was shocked to learn that you have broken up. I can see that you are both are devastated as well. I don't doubt for a second that you truly love each other. But right know you are both using that love as a weapon on the other. You are not taking care of each other and you are sure as hell not protecting each other. Every promise you made to me, Korsak, Frankie, Tommy and Frost is broken. Do you really feel proud of yourselves? I am not proud of either of you at the moment.

Girls! Don't you see that something as rewarding as a happy union takes hard work and dedication? Would it be as rewarding if it was not hard? Would it inspire millions of people all over the world if it was self sustaining?

My mother always said that God gives the spark, but we have to kindle the fire. You both are very independent woman, living on your own for almost two decades. It is not easy to mold to another person. You will have to be dedicated to your love and each other. Then you will have to reach compromises and concessions. You will have to adjust to each other. That will take some time, effort and even some serious fighting at times. But that is what will make you stronger, that will kindle and sustain the fire long term. The fire will bring warmth and comfort; but will also protect you from outside dangers.

You need to invest yourselves to the relationship if you want to be happy in the long term. Set your individual boundaries, learn to agree to disagree at times and still allow the other to be the person you came to love. Fight if you have to, but don't give up on your love or each other.

Darn it, Girls! Act like adults and not children.

You basically have a choice now. You can go your separate ways. Maybe over time you may regain some of the friendship you have shared in the past. If this is your decision, please try to be civilized with each other. You did quite publically declare your love to each other recently. Keep that love in mind when you interact with each other. At least try to keep some of your promises.

Or you can kiss and make up. Try again, this time keeping reality in mind. Define your relationship with something that works for both of you. Maura, perhaps you can control your flirting better. Jane, you can keep in mind that Maura have your best interest at heart. Try to make each other happy and you will be happy as well.

It is not a bad thing to talk to each other. It is a very good thing to listen to each other as well. Love each other freely, don't make demands for love.

I hope to see you both smiling soon – with, to and at each other. You can be happy together.

Love

Ma Angela.

**AN: I think Angela made her peace. **


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Mrs. Buttinski,

Whatever is happening between Maura and me is OUR affair. It has nothing to do with you.

Stay out of our business.

J

**AN: I did promise two letters from Jane, but I think you would agree this is more a note. I don't think Jane will take to kindly to Angela's last letter. At least not immediately. **


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Angela,

I must admit that I had mixed reactions towards your last letter. I am uncertain whether I should reprimand you or thank you.

I do however understand that Jane has written you a very rude response. That should cover the reprimand I suppose. That means that I will have to thank you for the scolding and promise to take your words to heart. We both know that Jane would never do that.

I am afraid that I was rarely disciplined in the past and always find it rather upsetting. In this case I must admit to my shame that a stern lecture was in order. Jane and I were acting like children. We wanted everything to always be smooth and easy. We did lose touch by reality. We forgot that we will need to invest in our relationship and fight for each other.

I do apologize that you needed to intervene. Thank you for caring enough to do that. I would like to believe that we would have been able to resolve our differences over time, but your letter was a push in the right direction. Even if we would prefer you to wait until one of us confides in you.

I sincerely regret breaking my promise to you, Frankie, Detective Frost and Sergeant-Detective Korsak. I am ashamed to say that I have not even tried and my efforts were dismal. My word was always my honour and I intend to keep it that way. I am truly sorry for disappointing you.

You would agree that I owe the biggest apology of all to Jane. She entrusted her heart to me and I toyed with it. I am not sure how or even if I can make it up to her. Rest assured that I will try my upmost. I love Jane just as she is and I will show her that for the rest of our lives. I adore my stubborn, mischievous, loyal, gorgeous, amazing detective – with her bad habits and all.

We had a very long and serious discussion after your letter. I can add that it was after Jane has sent you the note as well. By the time we had our talk, she was very repentant as well. Jane wanted to make amends just as much as I wanted to. The weeks since our break up were horrible. It is an experience neither of us ever wants to repeat again.

Although we did talk (or scream) in the past, this time we made a conscious effort to listen to each other. We needed to hear the other and really try to understand her viewpoint as well. Jane apparently had a catechism teacher who said that they had two ears and one mouth to use in that ratio. They should listen twice as much as they speak. I found it to be very wise words in deed.

I was very awkward when we met in Jane's apartment. Our familiarity with each other was injured. So much so that Jane even tried to be a polite hostess – something she has not done since my very first visit to her apartment years ago.

I just pulled her down on the couch. She complied, but kept staring forward. Very typical Jane behaviour when she feels guilty. I turned my detective's face towards me. I had a few things to say and I wanted to look in those beautiful chocolate eyes when I do say it.

Then we both started to talk at the same time and then both stopped abruptly. We were both extremely sorry, that much was evident. I cannot say who started first, but the next moment we were both sobbing in each other's arms. It is strangely ironic to be crying about an injured love in the arms of your lover. Jane did hurt me, but knowing that I hurt her was even more hurtful.

It was a hard lesson to learn, yet we learned never to take our love for granted. We need to cultivate it to grow and multiply. Our love is a sanctuary, but only we can keep it a sanctuary. If we do not stand guard, it can become what is commonly referred to hell.

When we calmed down, Jane lied in my lap and then we did talk. We shared our expectations and insecurities of our relationship. We told each other how we were hurt. It is needless to say that we cried a few more times during the discussion. It was painful, but at the end we had a better understanding of where we were and how to go forward.

Rizzoli and Isles are a team and we will not forget that again. This separation made us stronger and more respectful of the other. We have set some ground rules for the future and promised to stay true to our commitment and our love. If there is ever a next time, we will not give up on each other that easily.

After the talk, we were both emotionally exhausted. We fell into bed and slept. We only got to the kissing part the next morning. Kissing and a few other things – suffice to say that we made up. And I love Jane more than I thought is possible.

Needless to say – I am with the love of my life again. I still hope to make her my wife one day.

Mrs. Rizzoli, you have a wonderful daughter. I renew my promise to take care of her and to love her to the best of my abilities.

Love,

Maura.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: One guest reviewer pointed out that Angela's letter in chapter 6 may be confusing. If I may explain: I wanted a break up and wanted to have both Jane and Maura guilty in the break up. Jane is often portrayed as the jealous type in Fanfic and I just went with it as her mistake in the relationship. In my mind's eye Jane was unreasonably jealous, where no jealousy was required. Therefore Angela reprimanded her that there are 7 billion other people on the planet and that Maura is allowed to have relationships with people besides Jane. **

**Not all relationships are romantic; as a matter of fact most relationships are not romantic at all. Any 'interaction' that you may have with another person leads to a relationship of sorts with that other person. People that are unreasonably jealous do not generally care about the type of relationship that is involved. Anybody there 'object' are involved with, are frowned upon. Hence Angela stating that Maura can have relationships besides the relationship she has with Jane. Angela (thus I) never intended it to be seen as a romantic relationship with somebody else that is not Jane. **

**Angela ended her letter by supporting each woman's "mistake" in an attempt to show the other how she can help ease tensions in the relationship. Not to condone the initial wrong behaviour. **

**Please accept my apologies for the confusion. **

Dear Maura;

Ahwwwww! You girls being happy make me so happy I can cry. You are just so adorable together; I can't believe that I ever had reservations about you. It is not every day that I am happy to admit that I was wrong, but I was wrong to doubt your feelings.

I just want to tell you girls that I see the time and effort you put into your relationship. That break up of a few months ago could have been the beginning of a seesaw life together. When you are in love, you are very in love. Until you fall out of love, when you will hurt each other up to the point where you fall in love again. I can understand that people may consider this as an exciting relationship, but you are both too old to have a teenaged romance. In the long run such a relationship is toxic and would have damage both of you.

But we are passed that.

I know my kids think that I living in a bubble and are hardly fit to be left unsupervised in the real world. Frustrating as that can be, it gives me the opportunity to observe them unguarded. I see more than they will ever give me credit for.

I have seen that you and Jane have put aside the silly notion of a fantasy relationship. Instead you concentrated on building a realistic relationship that would stay resolute in the real world. After all, we are living in the real world – with all its domestic issues and insecurities. Learning to deal with it and still be happy is almost a fantasy in its own.

You girls have taken time to lay a solid foundation, one that would stand strong in the storms of life. Trust me, the storms will come. I can guarantee it. But you will survive it and grow stronger just like you have done after the break up.

I see a lot of things when my kids think I am not watching. I have seen that the 'new rules' was uncomfortable to begin with. Ironically in the way: when you became girlfriends, you expected the moon and the stars. If you appreciated the easy way you guys always had with each other, you would not need the rules to begin with.

I have seen how each lived up to her side of the bargain, never trying to enforce the rules onto the other. Wise choice, because frankly you only have control over yourself. More heart warming is that you take special care to let the other know that she is still the most important person in your life. Never stop doing that. It is special and many couples will envy you for that.

Now that you are comfortable with your relationship, perhaps it is time that you move to the next step. You are not getting any younger you know and your biological clocks are ticking.

(If Jane is reading this, I can see her eyes rolling and hear her swearing: For heaven sakes, Jane! What do you take me for? I know it is way too early in the day to talk about grandkids!)

Talking about Jane, does she really think I don't know that she snug out early mornings in the hope that I don't know that she spent the night? How naive does she thinks I am? I was not born yesterday. Kind of funny, especially since Jane will be the first to tell me that it is none of my business who she shares a bed with.

In any case, I think it is time that you move in together. If Jane want me to pretend that she is still a virgin, I can always moved into her crappy little apartment. I guess it won't be that bad once she removed all her junk. It should be quite charming once I have painted the walls begonia, don't you think.

I am just so happy that my little girl has finally met somebody to settle down with. I never thought that I will see the day. I hope one day soon I can see her exchange her vows. Who knows? Janie might cradle a baby to her chest before I am too old to play with my grandchildren.

You just let me know.

Love,

Angela

**AN 2: Italian mother like Angela will know how to play the guilt game. Maybe it is time to let that come out. **


	10. Chapter 10

Dear Angela,

Please rest assured. I love having you in the guesthouse and have no intension of evacuating you from it. It is true that Jane is uncomfortable with you knowing the intimacy of our relationship, but she will get over it. Eventually! Until then, she is more than satisfied with the lock on the door to my room. Knowing Jane as well as I do, I am confident that she enjoys sneaking out in the early morning. Another thing to keep her inner child entertained.

Thank you nonetheless for your offer, but I am afraid that for now Jane still needs her crappy little apartment.

We had a terrible argument yesterday, even worse than the day we broken up. I am ashamed to admit that neither of us acted like professionals. Jane got very upset because I couldn't disclose a cause of death – even though she knows I never guess. We did not yell at each other, but even a whispered argument can get very intense. Jane thought that I was unreasonable, yet she did not say anything hurtful towards me. As the argument did not get us anywhere, I told Jane to leave me alone to do my work. She honoured my request, but it was clear that she was not happy about it.

At this moment a young man tried to remove evidence from the demarcated area. That pushed Jane over the edge. She slammed him into the wall and arrested him as roughly as she could get away with. I do agree that the young man had to be apprehended, such amount of violence was uncalled for. I authorized the release of the body to the morgue and shoved Jane in my car. We had our second argument of the day on the way back to the precinct.

Frost was already waiting for Jane at the precinct and they had to leave immediately. There was not time for us to make amends first. Yet I kissed Jane on the cheek and told her I love her before leaving them in the lobby. I made a vow to myself never to let Jane go out in the field without letting her know that I do love her. Each excursion could be her last and I will hate that the last memory she had of us was an argument.

It saddened me when Sergeant Detective Korsak attended the autopsy, but he assured me that Jane and Frost were busy with interviews. Jane is a master at interrogations and her presence there was of the upmost importance. I have not seen Jane again until I went home. We exchange some text messages, but it was all business between the Medical Examiner and the lead detective.

I went home very late and did not expect to see Jane until this morning. We did promise each other never to go to bed with an argument still festering. This sounds great in theory, but in practice schedules and limitations to the human body does not always make it past good intention. Jane had a gruelling day in the field and was still chasing down leads.

I was exhausted and went straight to bed when I arrived home. I was contemplating whether I should text or phone Jane. I did not want her to go to bed angry with me. Besides, it was one of those days that Jane would be in dire need of a cuddle. Late at night in my arms is the only time that she will allow her defences down.

Before I could make up my mind about the best approach, Jane arrived home as well. She stood shyly in my door, uncertain of what to expect.

"Hi." I greeted her gently.

"Hi." She answered with a feeble smile, avoiding my eyes.

I patted the bed next to me and she obeyed after taking off her shoes and changing into pyjamas.

"Have you eaten?" I asked, trying to gauge her mood.

"Not hungry." Jane grumbled.

"Do you want to talk?"

Jane nodded her head. Like me she did not want to go to bed with unresolved issues. We turned on our sides that we could face each other. Angela, have you ever notice that people is less inclined to become angry when they are lying down? Even when somebody is sitting down, they will always jump up when they get upset.

Be it as it may, Jane and I already had our furious moments earlier the day. We wanted to resolve the issues and that meant that we had to listen and not just let our voices be heard. While idly playing with the other's hands, we talked about our frustrations.

Jane and her team needed a cause of death before they could do any meaningful investigations. Yet, the cause of death without a full autopsy could mean that they waste resources unnecessarily. It is a fine balance to maintain and some conflict will arise every now and again. Yet, I can give them an approximate answer based on experience.

We talked about Jane's unneeded aggression into the arrest. Nobody else would see anything wrong with it, but that is not how Jane normally behaves. She admitted that she knows better.

The issues were resolved, but we were truthfully too tired to make up. We could however cuddled closer and kiss each other heartaches away until we fell asleep. That was exactly what we have done.

When I wake up this morning, I was lying on my back with Jane curled into me. Her head was resting on my shoulder and her arm was lying over my chest. She is absolutely adorable while sleeping, so sweet and carefree. I lightly caress her face, trying not to wake her. I did fail miserably and Jane hugged me tighter as she opened her eyes.

"I love you." She mumbled and kissed me on my jaw.

This was the perfect moment. Albeit not the one I was planning, but that did not matter. It was not the event or the grand gesture that matter after all. All that matter is that the two people in the situation felt loved and treasured. At that moment it felt like I had the world at me feet. The woman in my arms was the biggest treasure I will ever come across. As Jane was snuggling closer, I knew that she also felt loved at that moment.

We have reached the point where we could deal with a stupid argument, even if it was difficult or hurtful. We loved each other more than our differences. So I asked Jane to marry me while hugging her close. She said yes without batting an eye.

I already bought her a ring, but I will only give it to her once we have your blessing of course. I know that Jane will insist on asking Mother and Father my hand as well.

So Angela, Jane will only officially move in when we are married. That will be in the next couple of months if you and my parents agree. We will need a bigger place eventually, but there will definitely be a guesthouse for your use.

In the mean time, would you join us for dinner tonight? I have a very important question to ask you.

Love,

Maura


	11. Chapter 11

Maura!

It is not that I want to intrude, but you girls really need to set a date. Not too far in the future, but not to close as well. There is so many things that we need to plan, but I can't begin a thing without a date.

Have you girls settled on a venue yet? The clock is ticking and you have to jump if you want something gorgeous. The chosen venue will give us an idea of how many people can be invited. Maura, I am sure that Jane has told you that she is from a big family. I will need to invite everybody, I cannot offend family.

And don't worry; I wouldn't dare to offend your family, dear. I won't dream to invite my cousin Theresa or her husband. They will just embarrass the family and nobody will mind if I don't invite them. I promise you that the others know how to conduct themselves in civilized company.

As I was saying, please make sure that you pick a venue big enough for all the family members and friends.

I assume you would not like to use Bianchi's Bakery anymore. Their wedding cakes were always lovely and the envy of many brides. Although, the quality did go down ever since Dominique took over. There is a lady from my prayer group that bakes from home. She has photos of all the bridal cakes she made in the past. I already have her book with me for you to page through.

Don't worry about flowers as well. My brother's sister-in-law owns a flower shop. I am sure she will be willing to give you a good price for the flowers that you will need.

One of Jane's cousins has a band that is not too bad. Maybe he can play at the wedding. I almost forgot; I have the perfect photographer as well. Remind me to give you his number.

Oh, Maura. It was such a long time since the last wedding in the family. I am sure everybody will just be happy to pitch in and help. You just have to say the word and it will be done. We had so many weddings in the past. You can almost say that we perfected the art of weddings.

Do you know what you are going to where yet? Are only you going to where a wedding dress or can you convince Jane to where one as well? Talking about Jane, perhaps we can get her to cut down on some hours. It is only fair that she help plan the wedding as well.

I am not sure how it will work when there are two brides. Will you each have your own bachelorette or will one party be sufficient? May I please organize the party for you? I have gathered so many games over the years and I cannot wait to try them out. O boy, it is going to be so much fun.

I am really so excited. You girls just let me know what you need.

Love you always,

Angela


	12. Chapter 12

Angela, Angela,

For this wedding, you only have to put your feet up and relax. Everything is under control and I give you my word that Jane is going to have a beautiful wedding.

If Jane had her way, we would be getting married in front of a judge. It took a lot of negotiations and bribery to convince her otherwise. Jane was adamant that she did not want an extravaganza or an Angela-induced-circus. By the way, Angela, I did not know you were involved with the circus? Who would have thought that there are still family secrets I do not know about?

In order to change Jane's mind, I had to make two promises. The first was that I would hire a wedding planner to take care of all the arrangements. Secondly I promised Jane that it will be small and intimate. A small and intimate ceremony will not steal the romance from the event and will be much more enjoyable to all involved.

We did choose a venue or rather a location for the wedding. We will be exchanging vows on a super yacht off shore. This yacht belongs to a friend of my family. As far as yachts go, we are using a big one, but you will understand that we will need to limit the number of guests we can invite. After inviting our closest family members and friends, we only have space for 40 more guests. That means that you and Mother can each invite 20 guests (as in 10 couples).

I am sorry that we cannot accommodate the entire family, but I am sure that you will understand. If I do not limit the number of people, I will have to get married on my own. I gave Jane my word and I would rather cut off my own arm than to let her suffer on her wedding day.

The yacht will lend itself to an elegant and breathtaking ceremony. Weather permitting of course. We will exchange vows as the sun set on the bow of the yacht. After much deliberation we decided that both of us will be wearing simple wedding gowns. There will very little drapes and layers. Jane did indicate that she will ask you to help her pick the wedding dress.

All the guests will be asked to wear evening attire. Shoes can be damaging to the yacht, so everybody, including us, will be barefoot. Jane and I will each have a best man and a maid of honour. Senior Criminalist Chang will be my maid of honour and Tommy agreed to be my best man. Jane has asked Marissa to be her maid of honour and of course Frankie will be her best man.

Between the four of them I am sure they will organise the premarital party. I did request them to ensure it is not held the day before the wedding. But Angela, I was hoping that you can maybe organize a kitchen tea for us. We will be more than happy to participate in any games you may have in mind.

Jane and I argued long and hard of whom should be responsible for the honeymoon. Jane is too proud for her own good. My father settled the argument for us. He has arranged a yacht cruise around the Greek Islands for a fortnight. To pacify Jane I did allow her to purchase our air tickets to and from Greece.

I wish Jane will become more comfortable with my wealth in future. It is only money, something that we can use to make the world a better place. There is no harm in enjoying it as well.

That said; there were also a few unromantic things to take care off. Things like updating wills and emergency contacts. My father was adamant that we should enter in a prenuptial agreement. Jane supported this crazy venture fully, she was more than eager to sign a contract. She was not even going to negotiate the terms at all.

I called on Mother and she negotiated on Jane's behalf (of course without Jane's knowledge). The family heirloom is actually thanks to mother's family. According to her Father is still humiliated that grandfather insisted on a prenuptial and he wants to take revenge where ever he can get it. Mother ensured me that she will make sure that Jane is treated fairly.

I have seen the final draft that we will be signing the week before the wedding. I doubt that Jane will read it; her interest in this matter is negligible as far as she is concerned. Rest assured that it is safe for Jane to sign it. She, and any possible children we may have, will be taken care of if something should happen to our marriage.

Following the wedding, we will be living in our house. I have my yoga room, but we will still create a recreational room for Jane. I will take every effort to ensure that it becomes our home. Later, if our family grow, we will consider something bigger.

Oh! I still need to tell you. Jane also gave me an engagement ring. It is simple, yet very elegant and I will be able to wear it with gloves. It is also a solitaire ring, but with a triangular shaped diamond. I absolutely adore it.

Things are really getting hectic now. In 2 months time Jane and I will be legally married. I cannot wait until she is officially my wife. I can't believe I ever considered Ian to be the love of my life. My only defence is that when I said it, I did not really understand what it meant. With so many romantic plays and romance writers, why could nobody ever give a decent description?

Jane is truly my reason for being. I would do anything to make her happy. Just being with her, makes me happy.

Love,

Your future daughter in love


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: *Slapping myself against the head* Maura always considered Ian the love of her life. Not Tommy. Thanks to Afret 2010 for pointing it out. I did correct it in the mean time. Please accept my apologies. **

My Dearest Girls

I have been looking forward to Jane's wedding day since the day I gave birth to her. It has been one of the happiest days in my life and above all I always wanted my kids to be happy.

There was a time I thought I would never see the day. Jane was just too independent and set in her ways. She was more than capable in taking care of herself. She actually considered the possibility of somebody else taking care of her to be an insult. Janie never valued marriage as something that would ground her. She saw marriage as something that would jail her.

Carla always said it is because I spoiled her too much that she was too selfish to marry. Carla is quite fluent in nonsense. Of course I spoil Jane and her brothers – they deserve it for being the great kids that they are. Janie always used to squirm of my lap. She often fights me when I want to hug her. Somehow a mother needs to show her kids that she love them. If she cannot show them with signs of affections, she will show them with acts of love.

Besides, Jane is not selfish. She did not settle on the first boy who asked her to marry, but it is wise to be picky with possible husbands. Otherwise Jane might have been caught married to a loser with 3 children. Jane is more than willing to sacrifice everything for those she loves. Too much so at times I am afraid.

Jane honey, I could not be more proud of you. I raised a beautiful daughter and you always gave me so much joy. I love you always, whether you are in full badass detective armour or when you are just Jane without giving a damn about your image. One of my fondest moments with you was when we were shopping for that Little Black Dress. You told me that you love me, while speaking to Frost on the phone. Then you were more irritated with him for assuming that you were talking to him, than you were for being caught out on something so sentimental.

Today I am happy to admit that I was wrong about Joseph Grant and all the other men I tried to set you up. Carla and I were wrong with your assumption of why you did not get married. You were just waiting for the right person.

I have to admit that the right person for you was not the "right person" I imagined. I always had a picture of you in a white dress floating down the aisle to a handsome man in front of the church. That was the rough draft of my dream. It is now perfected in reality where you will be meeting a gorgeous woman in front of a celebrant. And what a woman it is.

Maura, when Jane introduced you to me the first time, I was quite intimidated. I found it a rather strange friendship. Jane was always passionate, energetic and loud and so were her friends. That was what I expected when she said that she have a friend that is not with her family that she would like to bring to Thanksgiving. It threw me for a loop to be introduced to a reserved, calculated and calm doctor. I could not see the common ground. It did not take long to see the intelligence, kindness and love-for-life that are the essence of Maura Isles.

Maura, over the last few years you actually became my daughter as well. I don't think anybody would surprised with the bond that we share after all the things we been through together. Alas, most of our bonding occurred in hospital. I can only pray that Jane is as sick of hospitals as I am.

I will never forget the support you gave Frank and I when both Jane and Frankie was fighting for their lives. You were my rock in those days. When things between Frank and I deteriorated, you did not hide from it like my biological children, but help me through it. You even opened your house to me when I needed a place to stay. Words will never suffice for the gratitude I owe you.

Let me tell you, it is hell to have two critical injured kids in opposite sides of the hospital. How do you choose at which bedside you should be? It was a great comfort to know that you were keeping an eye on Janie. I know that you were out of your mind with worry as well, but by keeping yourself composed, you grounded all of us.

Jane Clementine Rizzoli, don't you ever force me to pick between you and Maura again. You have put me through enough hell without creating a few more in your stride. Maura, it broke my heart to leave you alone in that big house that day. The only reason I went with Jane is to keep her from doing something reckless. That girl is going to be the end of me.

I could have wringed her neck when she left you alone at Maura Doyle's grave. She probably never told you, but she shed a few tears there as well. She took me along for moral support. I immediately returned home when I learned what she has done. It was actually the first time that I ever saw you cry. I was touched that you allowed me to comfort you that day – after my daughter hurt you and I deserted you the day before.

Girls, you already shared very challenging and difficult times with each other. This has entangled your lives in an irreversible way. Long before you even became a couple, you learned to help each other to deal with the trauma you have experience. Remember that in future. Many couples are driven apart with trauma, but you have learned to cope with it together.

Today you will vow to always be there for each other, in good times and bad times. You have done it in the past, no need to deviate from it in future.

You were each other's best friend. Remember that you can be lovers, wives and best friends. They are not mutually exclusive.

You are partners; don't let anybody come between the partnership. You chose each other, let no man or woman come in between you. Although it is not only third parties that can break up a partnership. There is work, commitments, family and friends. Make time for each other, you should be each other's first priority.

When the kids come (I can't wait!), don't let them drive you apart. Always be an united front to the kids, it gives them security and help them feel save. Resolve any differences of opinion regarding the children away from them. Don't allow them to play you off to each other.

On the day of my wedding my mother gave me advice on sex. I am afraid I don't have much to offer, I am not entirely sure how it work between two women. Just remember girls, sex is the glue that keeps you together. Never neglect the importance of your sexual activities.

Today you will proclaim your love to each other. Just remember that there is a family that adores you both and will always be there for you.

Love

Ma

**AN 2: Perhaps it is time to hear Jane's side of the story. I think Maura's feelings and intensions are very clear by now. ;-)**


	14. Chapter 14

Hi Ma;

Tommy will propose a toast to you and Pop after the ceremony, but I really want to tell you how much you mean to me. I am just afraid that I may be crying too much to do it today in person.

Ma, I guess I never really appreciated you until I got to know Maura better. I kinda just took you for granted. It is like they say, you never knew what you have until it is gone. I am just glad that I did not lose you before I started to appreciate you. You are really a great mother. You were always there for us, even when you did not really agree with our choices. You gave us security and with that you gave us wings to fly.

Even if you made us go to catechism and did not give us a lot of pocket money, we always had joy and fun with you. Now, when I think back, it was almost that you were a single mother. Pop was always out on a job. When we scraped our hearts and scraped our knees, you were always there to kiss it better. You were always ready to wipe our tears and pretend afterwards that there were no tears. Seriously, no kid can long for a better mother.

Ma, I wish I could have been a better kid for you. Stay out of trouble more and maybe take a liking to pink. I know you always dreamt that I will be a doctor or even a teacher. Then I become a cop against your advice. Not just that, but I made your worst nightmares come true with me being a cop. Trust me, Ma, I hate doing it to you. I hate to see the worry and dread in your eyes.

I used to be the ultimate bitch before Hoyt. Not just at the job or at the station, but in my everyday life as well. I wanted to show the world that I was tough, that I could handle any shit that is thrown in my direction. Until that night that I was pinned to a dirty basement floor, crying like a scared little girl. I thought I could live without family, I hardly took the trouble to come and see you. Yet, one two by four to the head and the sick fantasy of my personal boogie man and I was at the mercy of my family. More specific, I was at your mercy.

After all that shit I gave you about being more elegant and more with the times, you were still willing to take me in. I couldn't feed, clothe or even go to the bathroom myself. Fuck, I even needed to sleep with the nightlight on. Many nights you still had to sit with me when he was in my dreams. Instead of trying to make it easier for you, I behave like the ultimate asshole. I acted like all was your fault. I know I hurt you Ma, I know you often cried when you thought I could not hear you. And I am sorry.

However, in that time you have shown me that toughness is not just about a badass attitude. It is about doing what needs to be done without expecting a big fuss. That being gentle and caring could be more beneficial than just kicking the shit out of somebody. I learned two very important lessons in that time. One: don't neglect family, you never know when you will have to depend on them. Two: Being all macho is a crock of shit. I can show my gentle side, while being a badass and get the job done. Consoling a victim or even a perp at times can be more valuable than another arrest or close case.

Even so, it is as clear as daylight that I am just not a lady. At least I am giving you the ultimate lady as a daughter today. Yes, Maura has been your daughter for a very long time, but it will be official after today.

Mama I always thought that love is a fantasy created by people as they would like the world to be. Something that only existed in movies, songs and books. It's a little bit funny that it is Maura of all people that had to learn me about love. Wonderful, socially awkward, goofy Maura; I never saw that coming. Although, I should not be surprised; she has taught me so much before. But Ma, it was you that taught both of us that the woman that we fought with this morning is the same one that we are going to make love to tonight. That is truth, that is love. And thank you for that.

Maura! Boy, somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good to deserve her. Even when she was just my friend, my life was just wonderful with her in it. I can use every cliché out there and, although they all are applicable, it still won't be enough. What in this world possessed me to run after Casey? Was I fucking stupid if the best woman in the world was right in front of me.

Mama, she is awfully nice to me. She treats me like I am the centre of the universe, like I am the most precious being in all of creation. I feel like Maura is my reason for being, there is just no greater reward than to make her smile. I love doing things for her and she never takes it for granted. She never expects me to lift a finger, but I can't let her do everything. I love her just as much as she loves me.

Maura is like heaven to touch and I thank God that I am alive to share my existence with her. It is like we both just want to give to each other. And you know what, Ma, by giving a 100% each is receiving 100% in return. Whoever said a relationship is 50:50 were talking from his ass.

I know you were not comfortable with the idea of me and Maura (sorry, Maura and I) at first, but thank you that you sat your own reservations aside. Thank you for working through your issues and allowing us to be happy with each other.

You are a case study of the perfect mother. You are also the example that Maura and I will use when we become mothers. No need to fret about it, it will happen soon. We don't have many childbearing years left and I want to give Maura a baby. Yes, I will be the one to carry our child. After Maura donated her kidney, any pregnancy is considered to be a high risk. She doesn't have to go through with that, I can bring Baby Isles into this world.

After today, I will be Jane Clementine (seriously – there was no other name you could give me) Rizzoli Isles. Like Maura's father, I am taking my wife's name. The Isles' only had daughters for generations. It is sort of traditions that their spouses take the Isles names for the family heritage.

Both Frankie and Tommy can carry forth the Rizzoli name. If I were to marry a man, I would have taken my husband's name in any case. Maura insists on becoming Maura Dorothea Rizzoli Isles – she says it is only fair. Our children will only be Isles though and our official surname is Isles.

There are a lot of formalities in becoming an Isles. I had to sign a prenuptial, not that I minded. I am not marrying Maura for her money. Her father is a jerk, but Constance is really nice to me. She wants me to become more involved in some of their charities. I guess it is the least I can do.

I really need to go now, Ma. Maura wanted us to write our own vows, but words don't come easy to me. I'll have to do my vows in a song and will be accompanying myself on the piano. I would like to practice my playing a bit more.

I love you, Ma. I don't say it enough, but I really do.

Your loving daughter,

Jane.

**AN 2: I stole from songs again. And perhaps went totally overboard with it. **

**Seasons in the Sun – Terry Jacks**

**Never been to me – Charlene **

**Your song – Elton John**

**Something good – Sound of Music (Maria and Captain von Trapp)**

**Ma, he's making eyes at me – Lena Zavaroni**

**You're just too good to be true – DJ Denim**

**Words – FR David**

**I just love that Jane (in the series) would not hesitate to comfort somebody when needed. She will also often calm Korsak or Frost down before they hit somebody. **


	15. Chapter 15

Dear Angela;

I wish to apologise for Jane's behaviour this morning. After all this time you should know that she does not appreciate bunny pancakes at work. I know a lot of the other officers and detectives love them and secretly Jane does too, but you know her. Sometimes she just doesn't conform to reason. However, that is no excuse to throw it and cause the scene she did this morning.

I know that she hurt you deeply this morning. I also know that you are worried about her; she was lately more irritable than usual. She loses her temper more often and is just not reasonable. This has been going on for a few months now. You don't deserve her abuse and we owe you an explanation.

Please rest assured that everything is fine between us. Although Jane does snap a lot at me as well, I try to accommodate her moods. It is not entirely her fault; Jane has been on hormone treatment for quite some time. That is what is affecting her moods, rather severely as well.

When we were married for 6 months, we decided that it is the appropriate time to expand our family. Of course we can't fall pregnant naturally and we pursued In Vitro Fertility treatment. One of my colleagues recently perfected in which he could fuse two egg cells to produce a healthy embryo*. It is therefore possible for us to have our own genetic baby.

I have harvest eggs before, but Jane had to receive daily injections of the FSH (Follicle-Stimulating Hormone) to allow her body to increase ovulations. Her eggs were then harvested under sedation. Jane was then put unto cyclogest treatment. These hormone pessaries commenced the day after the eggs were collected. This is to prepare the lining of her uterus to receive the embryo. She should receive the pessaries daily until the pregnancy is confirmed and then until she is 10 – 12 weeks pregnant.

Although mood disturbances are rarely experienced, Jane was one of those rare cases. She also experienced headaches, nausea, breast tenderness and hot flushes. As you know, if Jane is not feeling well, she is grumpy. Add that with the mood disturbances, you have one very poor tempered detective. She does feel guilty for losing her temper for insignificant matters and for lashing out at us. She tries to compensate, but it is just too much for her.

That is the price that we have to pay for having our own biological baby. I consider it a rather small price to pay, provided of course that Jane is agreeable to the treatment. The moment that she wants to stop, we will stop and pursue other avenues to have children. However, for the moment Jane is resolute to bring our baby in the world. And therefore I will support her as far as I can.

I am hoping that if you understand the reason for Jane's moodiness, you will be able to forgive her many rude remarks. Aggressive behaviour is not called for and I promise to talk to her about that. Just remember at the end of the day this will lead to your first granddaughter. Yes, we will have a little girl as only our genetic material is used in this process.

Unfortunately the first few transplants were not successful. The success rate of this treatment is not very high. It is not uncommon for couples to have multiple treatments before they become pregnant. Jane refused to be disheartened with the process. Her perseverance has been rewarded. By our first anniversary Jane's pregnancy was confirmed.

Jane and I are happy to announce that we are now 12 weeks pregnant. Not only can Jane now stop the hormone treatment, but we are also passed the dangerous first semester. We did not want to tell anybody until the twelfth week. You are the first to know. We will tell everybody once we also informed my parents.

Oh, Angela, in approximately 28 weeks we are going to welcome our baby girl into the world. It seems to be so little time to adequately prepare for her arrival. There are so many books on child rearing, that it is a daunting task to decide what needs to be read. Then we still have to extradite the facts from the text, critically evaluate it and formulate our own approach to motherhood.

There are also a lot of practical things that need to done. We have to prepare a nursery and buy everything that our girl may require the first few months. We have to decide what we want to name her and take the necessary precautions for her future should something happen to us.

Angela, I am so excited. But what if I am terrible mother? There are a lot of publications indicating that new parents rely on childrearing methods of their parents. There was a lot of benign neglect in my childhood. What if I repeat the same mistakes as what my parents has made with me?

What if Doyle decides to follow her all her life and interfere when she is an adult? It is not only Doyle. How can we protect her from all the evil in the world? How can we ensure her safety and well being?

There are so many questions and no way of answering them. But for now, I have to focus on Jane. I have to make sure she feels loved and treasured. I need to take care of her as she struggles with the pregnancy. I love to take care of my beautiful wife and our child.

Love,

Maura

**AN: I admit, I did include some science fiction in this. **

**There is three more letters to come and then this series will be done. **


	16. Chapter 16

Dearest Maura;

I am so happy, I can literally die right know. My baby girl is having her own baby. My daughters are on the verge of becoming mothers themselves. And I have no doubt that both of them will be wonderful, attentive mothers. Any child will be privilege to have the two of you as parents.

Sweetie, of course I understand. Besides Jane's moods are not that bad. I will survive, I am so happy that I can absorb anything from her at the moment. She will come around and if she does not, I am still getting my first granddaughter.

Things sure did change since I was pregnant with Jane. To be honest, I was petrified when I discovered I was with child. I just finished school and Frank was still an apprentice. We didn't have any money and neither did our families. My mother actually hit me when I told her. It was bad, but not as bad as when Pop actually cried with the news. He was devastated that I disgraced the family and he really wanted to hurt Frank.

It is scary if you not even 20 yet. I swore that I will always welcome any grandchild of mine with open arms into this world. Right from the very beginning, even if his ma or pa was still a child themselves. Somehow I got lucky, that was the one bad neighbourhood habit that not one of them participated in. My kids did not become teenage parents.

We had to get married, learn how to make ends meet with the little we had and prepare for our baby's arrival. Frank had to work extra hours, but he smiled every time he mentioned his 'boy'. Francesco Giuseppe Rizzoli. The family came around and Ma especially done a lot to make sure the 'girl' would have everything she need. Frank did not have the guts to argue.

Turned out that Ma was right and that Frank's boy was indeed a beautiful little girl. Strangely Frank was ecstatic. Ma told me that men will always hope for boys, but little girls will always be their princesses. Frank adored Jane from the first moment he held her in his hands. Ma was also instantly in love with my little Janie.

Janie idolized her father. She was his little shadow and loved everything he loved. Even when the real Francesco showed, Jane was still his number one. The same applied to Ma. Jane would not could her hair as her Nonna loved it. She would patiently practice the piano for hours just to make Nonna happy.

Somehow I think if Ma was still alive, Jane might have admitted her sexuality earlier. Ma was surely very conservative, but she understood Janie on a level that I never could. She would never turn against her. I am sure she would have loved you as well from the first moment she met you.

Maura, my sweet, sweet girl. You cannot study to become a good mother. Books may give you an idea of what to expect, but trust me on this one. Every child is different and destined to throw you for a loop. You will just have to go with the punches and make the best of what you have.

And you, Honey, have so much. Don't doubt it for a second. I have seen you with TJ. I have observed you with Bass and Jo Friday. You are so kind, gentle and attentive even with the pets. You will be even more so with your kids. I have seen how you take care of Jane, Frankie and Frost when they are hurt or sick. I can already see Mama Bear coming out when your little girl is ill, in danger or even just sad. You are so special, please don't sell yourself short. Your kids will worship the ground you walk on.

I dreamt of you and little baby Isles recently. She hit the why phase and was bombarding you with why's like only a 4 year old can. And you patiently answered every question she had until she ran out of them. Not many parents have the patience for all the why's and even fewer has the answers. It is a skill that could very well be uniquely Maura Isles. Your little girl will love you for that. Your impatient wife will too.

Don't take those books to seriously. I guarantee that you will find them to be utterly useless by the time that you may like to apply them. Go with your heart; trust in the skills that you and Jane bring to the table. It will work out fine, I promise, my dear girl.

With or without books, I can guarantee you that there will be mistakes. All mothers are destined to fuck up their children in one or another way. Believe me; they will throw that at you at one point or another. Yet, they will forgive you for that much sooner that you will. That is how children are. That is why we accept and love them as much as we do.

When you make a mistake, learn from it and go ahead. One mistake, even a few mistakes, doesn't make you a bad parent. If you need help, get it. Use your wife as she should use you in being a better parent. Use us, your family. Just give your best and I guarantee that your children will think that you are the best mother ever. Well, hopefully the co-best mother with Jane.

At the end that is the only reliable measurement of motherhood, the love and appreciation of your children. A lot of my friends consider me to be a bad mother behind my back. Some of my more daring relatives call me a bad mother in my face. Their proof is that one of my children spent time in jail, one suffered serious financial difficulties and; heaven forbid; one is homosexual.

I honestly couldn't care less. Because I know that I have great kids. I even adopted one well in her thirties. Every time that one hugs me, tell me they love me or rush in at the last minute for family dinner I know I have done something right. My children told me I am a great mother and that is all that matters. They still want to spent time with me and they are not ashamed that the world knows it. Which is more than those friends and relatives can claim.

At the end that is really all you can do, Maura. Love your children to the best of your abilities and they will love you.

Good luck with Janie. I don't envy the position you are in. She is so lucky to have such a wonderful, loving, caring spouse. I hope she appreciates that.

I do pray for you girls every single day. I will ask St. Gerald Majella and St. Margaret of Antoich to pray for you and the baby as well.

Love,

Ma


	17. Chapter 17

Dear Angela;

Please excuse the messiness of this letter. I am holding and bonding with my daughter, balancing the writing pad on the bed where Jane is resting after giving birth. After that birth she really deserves her rest. It is not the most ideal time to write a letter, but I really need to talk to you. Our letters have become rather therapeutic to me.

I have a confession to make. I have failed your daughter, Angela, I have failed Jane. And I am so sorry, I don't know how I will ever make it up to her. I swear; I did try to be as supporting and caring as I could be. Jane often calls me a cyborg, but I am afraid that I am only human. I always try to contain my emotions, especially where Jane is concerned. But to my shame there is times that I do give into anger and shame.

Jane is the person that can evoke the greatest passion from me. She makes me fierce. However this is not just contained to the love and protectiveness I feel for her. No other person can make me as angry as Jane can. There are so many times that I can just strangle her without any regrets. Normally this anger quickly evolves into passion, but there are exceptions.

I still don't know what could possess Jane to willing enter a hostage situation when she is in her eighth month of pregnancy. Sure, she was wearing a vest, yet she has seen with Frankie that the vest does not make you invincible. She and the baby could still be seriously injured while wearing the vest. They both could still be killed. That alone was enough to guarantee that I would be very unhappy with Jane and that we would have words.

Fate really was not on her side that day. As you know, she sustained a gunshot to her leg. I thank the heavens that it was only a flesh wound, a through and through, but it could have been so much worse. Jane was kept in hospital overnight as a precaution and I almost left her there on her own. I did not have much hope that Jane would have seen the error of her ways. There was not much they could do about the pain she experienced and I am ashamed that I made some snide comments about how she deserved it. Jane needed to rest and we called a truce until we got home. I hold her hand as she was sleeping, thanking the deity for saving her and our baby's life. Yet I was going to make damn sure that Jane will not try something brainless like that again.

She was released the next day. You had to take her home as my presence was required at the morgue that day. It was a difficult autopsy and there was just not anybody else available that would have been capable to perform it. It was already evening when I got home, but we needed to talk. We needed to reach an understanding. I was mad at Jane and she needed to understand why.

We did not go to bed angry that day, we stayed up and fought. I am sure that both of us said things that we regretted afterwards. We both apologise profusely for that when we calmed down eventually. However, words are the one thing that can never be recalled. I wished it on Jane that she should have a difficult delivery to pay for her bad choices. It was cruel, not a phrase of love towards my wife or baby and of course it would be the wish that were to be fulfilled.

I insisted that Jane stayed home for the remainder for her pregnancy. I was uninterested in any of her explanations or excuses. Humans hate it to be unheard. Jane raised her voice to be heard and I raised mine to stop her. That resulted in a futile screaming match, where no one was listening. We should have called a time out to calm down. I should have listened to Jane; she is entitled to me listening when she has something to say. I am not the boss of her; she is my wife, my partner. She is a person with her own views and opinions. She is the master of her own body even if she is carrying our child.

We only got a reprieve when Jane stormed off to the guestroom. It was against the rules, but we both needed a quiet moment to regroup and re-evaluate the argument. After a few minutes I went after Jane to coax her back to our bedroom. I was finally ready to listen to her, to hear her side of the story. I needed to be reasonable to get her to agree to stay home until the baby was born.

Jane was sobbing in the guestroom and; although it is not possible; my heart broke. I made my wife cry. My wife, who is carrying our child, who was shot the day before and was certainly in pain, needed hugs and kisses from me. She did not need to be viciously attacked by me. Sure, there were a few things Jane needed to hear, but I could have gone about it differently.

I gathered her in my arms and told her how much I love her and how sorry I was for my harsh words. Jane was tired and hurting. She was eager to make peace and go to bed. We cried together and promised to calmly reach an agreement in the morning. After all, we love each other and we both wanted what is best for the baby.

When we woke up, we had breakfast and apologize for the night before. Jane also apologized profusely for risking our baby's life. We talked about the issues like reasonable adults. Jane was not happy at all about staying at home, but did finally indulge in my wish. She felt guilty about the shooting and wanted to do penance. I wanted to keep them safe. That was my only intension when I asked Jane to take a leave of absence; it was not intended to be punishment. I fully indented to reward her greatly for this sacrifice.

The next few weeks were difficult. Jane was restless and frustrated at home. She often dropped by the precinct for a visit and even 'discreetly' helped them on a few cases. I could live with that, as long as she was not hunting perpetrators or getting involved in a shootout.

Then she went into labour unexpectedly. I was in court and therefore my cell phone was switched off. Frankie came to get me and I rushed off immediately with a police escort to the hospital. Jane was whimpering in pain, Jane is definitely not one of those cops who consider pain to be their friend. She hates it.

Jane did want what is best for our baby and therefore she decided to do it without pain medication. I was very proud of her decision at the time, but I would have been fine with it if she changed her mind. Jane blamed herself for going into labour early and was begging my forgiveness. Of course there was nothing that warranted my forgiveness, but I tried to calm and reassure her.

Jane was in for a very long and very difficult delivery. As she was screaming in agony, I recalled my cruel and selfish words to her. "I wish our baby rips you apart when she is good and ready to come into this world. As you have shown no regard for her wellbeing, I hope she shows not regard for yours." Of course I apologised for this, but unfortunately fate will not let me recall those words. The baby was making Jane suffer. I tried to convince her to take something for the pain, but Jane stubbornly refused.

During my residency and in my time with Médecins Sans Frontièrs I have helped many babies into this world. I knew that it is not easy, but I also know that Jane is tough. I know that she would be able to handle it. Yet, it is different if you witness somebody you love go through it. If I knew that it would be such torture to bring our girl in the world, I would insisted on carrying our baby.

Jane was stuck in limbo. She was too far gone for a caesarean, but Baby Isles was not really accommodating to her mother's pain and agony. She was not as excited as we were to finally meet face to face. I felt so useless to see Jane in agony, there was just nothing I could do to help her through. I whispered sweet words of encouragement and tried to make her comfortable.

Any woman who is not as stubborn as Jane would have given up. She was exhausted and drained but she kept pushing when she was asked to. Albeit with al lot of cursing and insults, but I can't find it in me to hold her accountable for this. I put her in this position; I deserved everything she could throw at me.

Then Adelaide was born, kicking and screaming. Jane needed to be sewed up, she needed a transfusion but I could see that she was so happy to meet her girl. She was not blaming her for the ordeal at all. Neither could I, but I am definitely holding myself accountable. There is no way that I will ever put Jane through this torture again.

Jane was exhausted. She barely made it through all that needed to be done before she could replenish her energy. She struggled to nurse Adelaide. When she was finally done, she was too tired to fall asleep. While holding the baby, I played with her hair until she drifted off.

I asked Jane how it felt. She answered that it felt like her entire lower body was mulched.

I called that much pain on her. I let her bring our baby into this world in agony. I asked her to carry our baby, knowing how painful the birth can be.

I don't know how I will ever be able to look in Jane's eyes again after causing her so much pain. I can vow to never put her through this again, but that will not erase the pain I caused her now. I am so sorry, but sorry would not take that pain away.

Even as she is sleeping now, I can see the lines of pain on her face. How can I ever make up for that?

I am sitting at her bedside, with our little dark headed girl, crying with remorse. I am so sorry, but it cannot be reversed. They say that there is no gain without pain. We did gain Adelaide, but I wish that I could bare that pain and save Jane from it. I am sorry, my love.

I am sorry, Angela, for exposing Jane to this. Never again, I promise.

Maura

**AN: I recently saw a few of the Heidi anime episodes. There is a Rizzoli and Isles cross over that just waits to happen. A lonely rich girl and the young poor girl who give meaning to her existence. I am too lazy to write that cross over and too incompetent to do it justice. I will therefore settle to name Jane and Maura's child Heidi (or Adelaide). **

**One letter remaining – to ease Maura's guilt and promise the happily ever after. **


	18. Chapter 18

_Maura takes her writing pad from her purse and get an envelope from the drawer. She writes Angela's name on the envelope and then tears her letter from the pad. As she folds the letter, she noticed another waiting in the pad. _

My dear, lovely wife;

Babe, I can just imagine how impress Tommy would be if he were to see you now: holding Heidi with one hand while you are sleeping. Rather awkwardly I may add, hanging half to the bed and securing the baby on the other side. I took her from you just to be safe; we don't want her bouncing on the floor.

I saw your letter to Ma. It was in plain sight and I did not need a warrant to read it. I hope you don't mind. It was about me in any case and I just couldn't help it.

While we are on that subject, Honey. I don't think it is appropriate that you share our most intimate details with my mother. You are just encouraging her bad habit of butting in. Some things are just not any of her business.

You do write the most beautiful letters, my love. I am not even ashamed to admit that they brought tears to my eyes. You made me jealous of my own mother. I would kill to receive letters like this from you. Darling, I know that you tell me all those things all the time. It does carry a lot more weight than something that is written on paper. I store it in a special place in my heart. I am just afraid that one day when I am old and gray, I might forget them. Then it will be really awesome to have letters that I can refer to.

Baby, I know there is not much that you don't understand, but do you truly comprehend my love for you? You are the very air that I breathe. I won't be able to live without you.

Do you remember years ago when we were working the Merck case? The one where the wife killed her wife to ensure that she get her hands on her half a million dollars? During the same time you set me up with that silly nurse, who was so sweet he was actually made me want to gag. That evening we were drinking wine in my room. Do you remember that I actually said that I maybe should bat for the other team?

Maur, you probably never knew that I was on the verge of confessing my sexuality to you that evening. Not because I wanted something from you, I just wanted to share the burden with somebody I trust. I was hoping that there would be one person who could know the true Jane Rizzoli and would not treat me like an alien.

Of course that never worked out. You enlighten me that you help Korsak and Frost to set me up on a gay website. You wanted to know what type of woman we liked if we liked woman and declared I was not your type. Whatever happened to your definition of type by the way? Not that it matter really, I clearly remember declaring that I will be the guy. You and I both know that it did not turn out that way. Not that I will call you the guy in any case but you know what I mean.

I actually want to talk about Jorge. He totally freaked me out. He was definitely more submissive than my dog and with him I would have been behind the steering wheel. To be honest, that terrified me. I would never admit it, but I wanted somebody with who I could be just Jane. I needed to be vulnerable and share my sensitive side to stay me. I needed somebody to hold me when I had a need to cry and somebody who won't use it against me when I admit fear in the dark of the night.

I was too scared to get out of the closet. I also believed that any woman would expect me to be her guardian and will hate it if I needed safety and protection as well. Yes, Honey, I know assumption is the mother of all fuck ups. So I hide all my insecurities with my fears and vulnerability in the closet and tried to find a compatible man. One that would understand the impact the job could have on a person, but also understand that I was the job. I wanted to live my life in a lie. And thank the heavens that my great master plan was doomed to failure. Yes, I was yet again a fool.

My love, I was downright scared. About a lot of things, but most of all to open my heart to somebody. Weird, huh? Physical danger did not scare me but emotional trust did. The body heal so easily, but the mind is a totally different matter. Somehow you always gave me enough security to open up to you, but that was only for glimpses. The idea to throw open my heart completely to a person made me petrified. I was so scared of being hurt or rejected. Not necessarily by you, but I never thought that I would ever stand a chance. You have high standards Dr. Isles. Many men tried and they all failed. I could not survive failure.

So I often found myself in relationships where there was no danger that I could fall in love. Men that could protect me, that would love to protect me, but who would never noticed that my heart is not all in. They would not hurt me too bad. I could use them to give Ma grandchildren and they will be too self consumed to notice when I am not my normal steel magnolia self.

I always ended up chasing them and acting awfully submissive around them. I honestly cringe when I think about them. I considered myself as a reject that did not deserve better.

You changed it, Maur. You looked right through me and you knew I was frightened. I was scared of myself, love and a happily ever after.

I never told you how much I appreciated your gentle wooing. Your reasoning was spot on! By the time you told me what was going on; we were practically already a couple. Yeah, there are some that would argue we were a couple long before that point. But what I am getting at; is that you reeled me in without me even knowing. By the time that we had our first kiss, the awkwardness from transitioning from friends to something more was avoided. You made it easy; there was no need for me to freak out. Besides that I am Jane Isles, previously Rizzoli, who doesn't need a reason to freak out.

Nobody ever tried to invest in me. Well, maybe Jorge to an extent, but he was too much. Your wooing was not an attempt to get in my pants. It never stopped, not when you got into my pants and not even when you married me. You are still wooing me – every single day. Not a day pass in which I don't get my rose, not even when you are mad at me.

I tried to return the wooing to you, but it is always something in return. I am never the one who initiate it, you are always one step ahead of me. Everything I am doing, you already done.

Do you know what my favourite moment of every day is? It is when you pull me in your arms and softly tell me how much you love me as I fall asleep. That is the safest I ever felt. It is the most loved I ever felt. It is one of those special one in a lifetime moments, but I get it every from you. That is why I will follow you to the end of the universe and always be your fool. You always tell me how much I mean to you, but there is so little opportunity that I can do the same.

Honey, I am afraid that you have some memory lapses. You never asked me to carry the baby. I offered to do it. It was something that I was able to give to you. Something in return for all the love and affection you always bestow on me. A baby to be the testimony of the love I shared. As a matter of fact I was feeling selfish for grabbing that honour for myself.

Maur, any woman would be so lucky to be your wife and to carry your baby. You adoration is something that should be bottled and sold. We could make good money from that. I know that I was a total bitch for most of the time, but you always treated me as if I was a princess. I know that I did not deserve it and I never told you how much I appreciated it. It just made me love you more.

Please don't feel guilty about the difficult birth. It was just one of those things, not something that you could have ordered or prevented. I certainly don't regret it.

I honestly don't recall that you told me that you hope the baby rips me apart. I guess it got lost in our screaming contest that day. Besides, you did apologise for all the cruel things that you said that day. I could not hold it against you; I said some pretty fucked up things as well.

Maura, I really hated (hate actually) myself for exposing our baby to a shootout. You had every reason to be pissed about that. I don't know why I let my foolish pride get in the way. I deserved a good admonishment for playing Rambo and should just have taken it. There was no need to throw my toys out of the cot as well. I am really sorry for that day.

I know there is no excuse for putting myself in the shooting line that day. Frost and Korsak begged me to stay. I should have listened, but I knew that it will be my last day of active duty. I did not want to leave without a bang, although it was a lot more bang than I expected.

I never talked about it, but I always had set myself goals regarding my career. According to my career plan I needed to be a lieutenant by the time that I was 40. I wanted to kick ass as long as possible, yet I wanted to give it up with dignity. I considered 40 to be a good age for that.

You know that I was promoted to sergeant just before we got engaged. My career path was progressing well; there were a few years before I reached 40. When I got pregnant I really needed to ask myself some tough questions. The answer turned out to be the same at the end of the day. I wanted to spend as much time as possible with my children. There was just no way that I could do it while I was an active investigation member.

I mentioned it to Cavanaugh and he was sort of relieved. The DA was pressurising him to do something about us working together. Sooner or later a defence attorney will use it against the state. You are the best ME they ever had and I obviously was not happy to transfer to another precinct or department. I also declined a few promotions in the past.

The brass was looking for a way to make me move departments without too much of a fuss. I definitely did not want to be an evidence clerk ever again. Since I no longer wanted to be an active investigation member, they could promote me to another department. Of course I needed to study and take the lieutenant exam first. You gave me the perfect opportunity for that when you insisted that I should stay at home.

I did ace the test and will be a lieutenant of the SVU when I return from maternity leave. I am already reassigned, but the formal announcement still needs to be made. I have joined the dark side.

I wanted to surprise you with this. I know that you would never ask me not to be a detective, yet I know you will be relieved that I will no longer be dodging bullets or run after murderers. Ma and your parents will also be happy. A lieutenant is also a more suitable match of the Chief Medical Examiner. No sweetheart, it was no sacrifice on my behalf. The time was just right for new challenges and a new role in law enforcement. I always pictured myself at the very top.

My sweet angel, I really mean it when I say you have nothing to feel guilty about. I am just so happy that I could give you the child that you were longing for. Grateful as I am, I also have to say that Adelaide will be our one and only. I don't think I can do it again. I promise you that she will not be lonely; the Rizzoli's will make sure of that. She will have plenty of cousins to play with.

I love you, Maura Isles. You ground me, but at the same time you make me fly higher than should be humanly possible. I can totally see myself grow old with you. I am yours, forever and ever. Even if you kick me out one day, I will never stop loving you.

Your fool in love,

Jane

_Maura wipes the tears from her eyes. She seals Angela's letter and place it where the older woman is sure to find it. If Jane really objected she would have destroyed it. Maura hears Adelaide whimper on the baby monitor and goes upstairs. Jane beats her to the baby. When she entered the master bedroom Jane is sitting cross legged, already nursing the baby. She looks up to Maura and gives her a radiant smile, showing off her dimples. Maura returns the smile with one of her own and then sits behind her wife, supporting her with her body. _

_Maura kisses Jane's neck: "Hi, lieutenant." She husks._

_Jane chuckles and lean back against the doctor: "No return then?"_

"_That my love, is a matter only between ourselves." Maura whispers. _

**AN: I am afraid I did not really think the 8 month pregnancy through in the last chapter. **

**I once read a fanfic (and forgot the author and title of it) where Angela found Jane and Maura asleep on the couch. She is surprised that Jane is lying in Maura's arms and not the other way around. I really loved that idea. I can see Maura being the more dominant (not oppressively so) partner and Jane giving up the controlling share. **

**Thank you for everybody who favourite, comment or followed this story. I really appreciate your support. I hope that it was worthwhile for you as well. **

**I actually expected a "bugger off" with the first letter. I don't know a thing about romance; I have never been in a romantic relationship or ever felt the need to pursue one. **

**English is also not my native language. I still feel that my lack of grammar would not do Maura's letters justice. I am also not familiar with US customs or laws; besides that what I could conclude from the US movies / television series I have seen. **


End file.
